TIFFANY ATKINS/ TOWNSPEOPLE/ THE GOOD GIRL
brooklyn chateau
Townspeople
Townspeople
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Tiffany Atkins
"good girl" |
Tiffany
Atkins is a hair stylist/makeup artist whose lustrous glow is
proof of a divine soul. A most beloved confidante, with Tiffany I’m
always at home; she is one of the sweetest and most talented people I know. Yet
given her many outstanding attributes it’s difficult to believe she’s one of
many thirty somethings still looking for love.
Every two weeks I check in with Tiffany to get my hair done.
While sitting in her styling chair, I am often moved to ask of her relationship
status. Why? I’m genuinely interested. To the extent it's been a struggle
to find the one, it’s safe to assume society adds to her struggle by bombarding
her with questions of her lone status and adding impossible benchmarks to an
already high- pressured decade. I, being society, do more to
exacerbate the predicament than soothe it, but I can’t help myself. Tiffany
deserves the best.
Unlike your 20s, your 30s
suggest you have exact ideas of what you want. Which I’m positive is not a
comforting expectation for those lacking direction. Facts are: you're
getting older and the stakes are getting higher, and your pool of single
girlfriends are becoming an ocean of married women with children, and by now,
you’ve likely dealt with a heartbreak or two. So one might say instead of
tightening the reigns, it's time to take more risks; life is short. So while 'exacting' may apply to tax returns, it does not correlate with true love.
Let's be honest, it’s easy to get caught up in the things
you don't have no matter your age. If in your 30s and have yet to find the
one or live in the house of your dreams or be pregnant with your future babies,
it’s difficult to
get beyond the fantasy and in front of what waits for you. Since I'm no expert, Townspeople snags a
personal perspective from one of the good girls who begs the question: “Do men believe they're missing out on
something? More women, more sex?”
Tiffany Atkins
talks relationship struggles,
Town and Takeaways:
Tiffany Atkins on finding 'the one':
TP: Describe some of your previous adult relationships:
TA: There aren't too many adult relationships I can refer to. Truth be told, my last official relationship was at the age of 21(yikes). It was the last time I was officially someone's girlfriend. But for the relationships that had an impact on my life, well, they ended in disappointment.
I carried that feeling for years, which changed who I was. There were good times, but I had given and put more effort, time and energy into those men who in turn, did not reciprocate the things I needed and deserved. They seemed more comfortable with the way things were versus making more of an effort to keep me or truly appreciate who I was and what I meant to them.
They did, however, give me just enough to keep me around but not enough to make me stay, which left an emptiness in my heart. So when I say those relationships changed me, I mean, they made me look at myself and say, what do I want? That's when I began to distinguish the real from the bullshit, and decipher when someone is for me and when they are not.
TP: Would you admit to having a type? If so, describe your perfect guy?
TA: Yes, I admit to having a type. I've always been attracted to tall, smooth, chocolate-skinned men with nice smiles and charisma. Lately, I'm more flexible, but still have a preference for taller men(6 feet & up because I'm 5'8" with size). The perfect guy makes me a priority; cares about my well-being; has his stuff together; is a provider, a protector; he is loving with a pure heart; he communicates well, is affectionate, understanding, encouraging, uplifting, positive, supportive, puts God first, and he has faith and is faithful.
My perfect guy wants the same things out of life as I do, and wants to achieve them together.
TA: Ha! That's the question of the year! To be honest, I need to put myself out there more; I don't make myself available enough, but I'm open!
TP: How do you know when a guy is interested, and how do you let a guy know you're interested?
TP: How do you know when a guy is interested, and how do you let a guy know you're interested?
TA: Typically he makes eye contact and smiles. Which is then followed by small talk or a joke to break the ice. If I'm out he may offer to buy me a drink or comment on my hair or makeup or looks. Funny enough, men pay attention to everything, so it's important to be on point!
I show my interest by smiling; it shows I'm pleasant and approachable. I also engage in small talk, and if the conversation flows it has a chance of continuing.
I show my interest by smiling; it shows I'm pleasant and approachable. I also engage in small talk, and if the conversation flows it has a chance of continuing.
TA: You know, I never really considered dating a divorcee. It leads me to think of the baggage they may have post divorce or the ties they have with their ex-wives.
TP: Are you looking for Prince Charming or waiting for him to find you? Explain:
TA: I wouldn't say I'm looking for Prince Charming. More like getting myself prepared for when he does come so he'll find a whole woman in Tiffany Marie. Though I do recognize in order for him to find me or at least see me, I need to put myself out there more.
TP: Give us your take on online dating and what your experience has been:
TA: Online dating is time consuming. It is a fast way of putting some of yourself out there for the world to see. But I'd prefer the natural interaction of meeting someone one I'm also interested in because you tend to receive attention from people that don't fit your criteria. Online dating isn't for me.
TA: Honestly and openheartedly.
He will recognize I'm the woman he needs and will do everything in his power to get/keep me.
He will recognize I'm the woman he needs and will do everything in his power to get/keep me.
TP: For those wondering, define "good girl":
TA: A good girl is someone who does the right thing in life. One who is not out there dealing with multiple men or sleeping around. She's caring, loving and affectionate, and willing to take care of and do for her significant other without hesitation.
A good girl always makes sure others are doing well. Sometimes putting their needs and wants above her own; she's ride or die; she's with you through thick and thin. Supportive, understanding, and oftentimes, too understanding. She's always there when you need her, and doesn't expect much in return. That said, being a good girl presents a catch 22. Because as much as I give, I may never be given the same treatment in return. Most days, I don't feel like my being a "good girl" is paying off, but I'm hopeful it will someday.
TA: A good girl is someone who does the right thing in life. One who is not out there dealing with multiple men or sleeping around. She's caring, loving and affectionate, and willing to take care of and do for her significant other without hesitation.
A good girl always makes sure others are doing well. Sometimes putting their needs and wants above her own; she's ride or die; she's with you through thick and thin. Supportive, understanding, and oftentimes, too understanding. She's always there when you need her, and doesn't expect much in return. That said, being a good girl presents a catch 22. Because as much as I give, I may never be given the same treatment in return. Most days, I don't feel like my being a "good girl" is paying off, but I'm hopeful it will someday.
TP: As a "good girl" share your reasons for why finding love in your 30s is such a struggle:
TA: I feel like men out there present themselves one way, but in reality, are not ready to settle down with one woman. They want to see what's out there while keeping their options open; they're simply not ready to commit. I wonder if it's fear? Do they believe they're missing out on something? More women, more sex?
One thing I know for sure is what I want. As a thirty-six year old woman, I recognize the things I'm not going to tolerate, and I spend less time having my time wasted. And though I do understand that in life every encounter is a lesson that may help you to grow in some way, sometimes I ask the Lord, how many lessons do I need? Lol! But no matter what, I rely on faith and pray that I'm prepared for 'the one' God has made for me.
Tiffany's best friends chime in:
TP: Is finding love in your 30s achievable? If so, what is your
relationship status and how did you find 'the one' or hoping to
find 'the one'?
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| (L-R) Danielle, Tiffany, Natalie, Jason, Tai |
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| (L-R) Ayana, Tiffany |
Danielle: I wholeheartedly believe finding love in your 30's is achievable. This is the time you really come into yourself as a woman, and know your worth, wants, and needs.
I have been married for almost 9 years, and with my husband for almost 20...a long time! We met in college, and while neither of us were looking for the one (who does that in college???), our paths crossed, and we knew we would be the one for each other..eventually lol.
We were still "kids" in a sense when we met, and as we matured through life, what we wanted out of "love" matured as well...and while the road wasn't easy, and at times varied, what we learned was to hold on to the foundation we built through the years, and to never let go of each other's hand!
Natalie: Absolutely, I definitely believe finding love in your 30s is achievable. I've been married for a year now and met my husband shortly after my 30th birthday at work of all places. We immediately caught each other's attention but resisted for a while due to work etc. But eventually gave in.
Jason: YES, there's hope! I'm single and ready to mingle. Open to dating outside my race, and going out more to various venues.
Tai: YES, true love isn't defined by what age you are but when your heart/soul connects with the right person. I'm happily married with the deepest attraction and love for my best friend/husband. We met on match.com and it's the best decision I've ever made besides marrying him and giving birth to our child.
Communication is key and I've become bored with guys I've met because they don't court. I prefer grabbing a drink or dinner as a way to get to know someone not technology, which is my biggest pet peeve. Lastly, I'm more set in my ways and know what I want. There are a lot of men who are intimidated by that. So while I wait for the right guy, I'm focusing on myself and staying open to dating outside my comfort zone. Meanwhile, staying true to myself.
TP: Create for any unattached, perfect, worthy of your time and attention,
tall, handsome man reading this a road map to your heart:
TA: Listen to me, love me, understand me, show effort and consistency; be honest and loyal.
TP: If 'the one' is out there and reading this, what would you like him to know:
TA: I've been preparing for you to come into my life; I'm ready to receive you, and I pray to God you're prepared to receive me.
What time of day do you feel most beautiful?
Anytime my eyebrows are done and hair is flowing.
Describe your any day/go everywhere face:
Everything! I'm a makeup artist. Lol. Foundation, powder, blush, eyeshadow, mascara, eyeliner, lip gloss and lipsticks. My fav is a neutral tone liquid matte lipstick.
Cafe: Ladurée
Pizza take-out: Gino's
Date night: Out to dinner, or any outing to enjoy each other's company
Cocktails with girlfriends: Vodka and St Germain with lime
Market:
Sweet treat:
Sunday outing: Brunch with friends at Lexington Brass.
Tiffany's Townspeople Takeaways:
Finishing Quote:
If my day were a short story the title would read:
"Love is Love."
Tiffany Atkins
Interview by Crystal Granderson-ReidTownspeople ©
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